From the wayback machine, circa 2008:
I realize that today is the 11-year anniversary of being at my job, and when I think about the goals I started out with, I guess I didn't have any. I was like, a salaried job with benefits and paid vacation? Whee! Where do I sign? Who the hell knows what else was going through my mind. As always, I was living in the present. I've tried to examine my idea of who I was as a person, and I know I've changed in fundamental ways, I've gone through so many things, done things I probably never would have imagined (going back to school, for one), done things I expected but in unexpected ways (buying a house), and didn't do things I took for granted - for example, I think my nebulous view of the future would have put me in a mom role a lot earlier than this. But it's all worked out to my liking. And even if I couldn't have boiled it down and articulated it when I was a dewy lass of 22, I think deep down I've always wanted the same basic things:
-To keep priority on nourishing and enjoying the relationships I have with my amazing family and friends
-To be open to new experiences and travel and adventure
-To finish at least one novel and get it published
-To have at least one healthy baby
-To produce one thing in my life that is as cool and defining as Exile in Guyvilleor Hedwig and the Angry Inch or Tiger Eyes/Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself/Are You There God It's Me Margaret.
And even if not all of these come to pass, I think I can always count on the first two and that's what's important. But having the rest to work toward gives me purpose. So I'm getting there, every day it's about getting there, and making the most of the journey. I sometimes look back and see 1997 me as a total stranger in some ways, and I can't help but think that 11 years from now I will feel similarly about me at 33. I don't want to change much about my life right now, I think I'm the happiest I can be, but it's entirely possible I felt that then, too. I'm not in any rush to find out how it turns out, but from experience I can only look ahead with the confidence that even with the occasional bout of hard times, it's just going to keep getting better.
Six years later to the day (not 11, I'm not that patient), and aside from the whopping, notable exception that was bringing my very healthy boy into the world, hardly a thing has changed. 17 years at the same job, I mean, what else would I even do if I wanted to? And I'm still plugging along at my denied masterpiece. In most ways, if you don't count loss--not that it's not significant, but you can't anticipate it, just leave room to work it into the fabric of an otherwise positive life--I do believe life has continued getting better, every fragment of every day. For all my nostalgia, I'm not a backward looking person. Always forward, for me. Always upward. It's how I do it.
Also unchanging: dorky selfies. I think I invented them so throw your concept royalties this way.
2008 dork
Present day dork
Happy anniversary to me! And my armpits.
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