Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 07/07/2023 at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
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Hello darlings, and thank you for the outpouring of support and rah-rah regarding my last entry and our new professional adventure. It's straight-up overwhelming to be on the receiving end of such love and confidence in us and it's the kind of overwhelm I cherish. There's no big news to report this time around, just, THANK YOU. If we end up being spectacular failures, it won't be because we don't have an army of hype people behind us.
So yeah, it's f@$*in' summer again. HR finishes school tomorrow, and as a family we are booked up, save for maybe one weekend, all the way through Labor Day. It's all really great stuff I'm looking forward to, but how amazing to look at the calendar and see a season's worth of your time accounted for. It seems like every summer gets more packed. Though I'm a lazy homebody and I don't relish being busy, summer plans are different. So many memories to come. How fortunate can one person actually be? I mean, really. That's a polished stone of thought I'll keep in my hand today, turning it over and over.
Thank you I love you thank you.
Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 06/15/2023 at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 06/01/2023 at 09:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
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Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 05/10/2023 at 01:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Families, you got one? You like 'em? Me, yes and for sure. I'm pretty vocal about my love of a fam jam so it's not a big surprise to hear that. I always love hearing about families' quirky bits, and I wonder if mine is unique in some ways or if they're universal and I just never knew it. For example, my family has a "thing" (well we have a bunch of things,) but one of our big things is the concept of the PC (perfect child) and the FC (favorite child). The PC is usually the eldest (though not always) and is marked by their responsible nature and their ability to follow rules at all costs. The PC is trusted and revered, but don't have a ton-of-fun reputation. The FC is marked by their ability to be extremely lovable and irresistible while pushing every button and breaking every rule. These guys have the ability to be entirely themselves, unburdened by the weight of others' expectations. If there's a third child in the mix, they're the baby and nobody messes with the baby or if there are more kids they get to be whatever. I have no experience with one-and-dones beyond my son so your guess is as good as mine. I guess he gets to be all or none, or he gets to just shine it out and carve his own path as we go along and that's a gift. The point is, there can only be one PC and FC per family and everyone knows who they are.
Guess which one I am. There's no chance you're getting this one wrong.
It's all in jest, of course. I mean I don't think anyone actually likes my sister better then me (well I mean sure a billion people do and why wouldn't they, she's awesome), not solely based on her role in the family, anyway. It's just that we've inhabited these selves for so long, I do wonder if at some point we molded our personalities around these designations rather the other way around. Because I am who I am and my brain is scabby from my inability to stop scratching at it at all times, I've been examining the way that this idea of perfection has messed with me. For a long, long time I really did want to be perfect. I took it on as my duty, I took pride in the way that people saw me and trusted me and depended on me, and even when it felt like a mighty weight and an impossible standard to maintain, I genuinely wanted to achieve it, and if I felt I was falling short, I faked it. The appearance of being 100% together was very important to me, and I don't need to spell out the ways that that is... not ideal for mental health. Being human is cool, and I've seen so much humanity embraced around me, I don't know why I thought I'd be outed as a failure if I owned up to mine. I would never have admitted it, even to myself for an lengthy spell, but I was borderline resentful of the FCs, jealous of their perceived freedom.
It's only very recently that it occurred to me that that's all it is - perceived. I can be as free as I want, I just chose to keep myself in that box. As I sidle up to the half-century mark, I'm hyper aware that time grows ever shorter and why on earth would I waste another second of it trying to chase and maintain the image of perfection? To be as good a person as possible, to stand up for what's right and take care of my loved ones, yes, but do it as an authentic person who messes up sometimes and admits that she messes up. There's no shame in it. That's obvious to so many people, but to those who identify as a PC, you might relate to the mindset that we don't have a choice. If we're not impeccable, who even are we? I am so relieved, so much happier, that not only do I understand that nobody expects me to be perfect or even cares if I am, but I actively don't even want to be. I just want to be me, whoever this weird stranger I'm getting to know is. It's not too late. Hallelujah, it's not too late.
All that said, I'll carry my hard-earned family PC badge to my grave. Peace, the happily imperfect perfect child.
Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 04/26/2023 at 11:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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I am hopelessly addicted to lists, as you probably know. I find them them soothing, they help organize my brain, and it's satisfying to cross things off when when they're of the to-do variety. In this modern age, I keep a lot of lists in my notes app. Books I've read, books I want to read, my all-time favorite books. There's even some non-book content such as daily tasks, my mother's bread recipe (which I will perfect one of these days), restaurants I want to try, and ever-evolving rankings of my top ten songs and shows and voices and celebrity crushes. My longest list by far is a collection of quotes and lyrics, anything that catches my eye or ear that I keep for a rainy day, for example, when I need a caption for a picture, a title for a blog post (knowing that might explain a lot) or a spark to inspire a bit of writing. I'm thumbing through this note today which has a larger magpie's mishmash of other people's words than I can probably ever use, and nothing there is serving as the prompt I was hoping for at the moment, but it does make me laugh to see what piques my interest. Never know when Nelly's perfect opening line, "Good gracious, ass is bodacious," is gonna come in handy!
Maybe this reliance on lists is a little more than is healthy, I'll be the first to admit, but I genuinely can't fathom how people function without them. Just willy-nilly, raw dogging life. How, though? Honestly, HOW? I'm in awe of you and you stress me out.
Now that's off my chest, I can get back to important things like letting the soft animal of my body worry about the things it worries about like transphobia and fascism and school shootings. That list keeps itself for me.
Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 04/12/2023 at 03:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 03/23/2023 at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 03/16/2023 at 11:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
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Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 03/02/2023 at 12:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Posted by Saul Good and Co. on 02/01/2023 at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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