Morning has broken and shit. Kinda. What I mean to say is, I'm on an upswing following a few days of intense family togetherness. My entire maternal side minus two cousins celebrated our Christmas this past weekend at my house, the first time we've all made it work since forever, maybe since my generation started multiplying, and it was as chaotic as you would think, but in a wonderful way. The kids were adorable, my grandmother was happy, all in all it was time well spent. As the host, it also guaranteed that I will be eating leftover party food clear into January. That's not a complaint. Later in the evening we got a visit from my cousins on my dad's side who I generally see once a year, a couple who have never lived close to me but are now MA residents and that's so awesome I can't describe it. These things make a world of difference to a weary soul.
Since I had this abundance of joyful energy, I decided to see how long I could coast on it. Like, to consciously decide to feel good and just... feel good. And it's working. I'm only on day three of not marinating in despair, but three days in a row is nothing to sneeze at. It helps that I am still on a media diet, seeking to achieve that balance where I can stay informed and celebrate the rare nuggets of good news (#DAPL!!!!), but shut out enough to keep my head up without simultaneously shoving it in the sand. It's an ongoing titration process. But if I can even get to this point, it means I'm not too far gone. Anyway, I'm going to need to build up my reserves for the coming times. (Not thinking too far ahead is also part of the process.)
I am approaching the state of feeling my own self, and it's glorious. Right now work is super busy, for my favorite reason, which is that I'm drowning in donations, so my life is processing and acknowledging until the New Year. It's not creative work, but it's satisfying, and it's a relief to put my mind to necessary work rooted in human generosity. Somewhere deep in here I sense the tingly beginnings of readiness to take my creative pursuits off the ice, but for the most part I'm content to keep to my mantra and look forward to my life.
I'm rocking my double hoops in circa 1994 and it's going to be a fortuitous day.